It's a New Year and like so many others, I've decided on some resolutions. I'm hoping to be part of the mere 8% who will keep at least some of mine. They include things like losing weight and becoming healthier. Keeping up with this page is another. But the biggest thing I want to accomplish this year is to have a cheerier outlook on things.
You see, I have my fair share of flaws and some of those are contradicting. For example, I do not care what anyone thinks of me yet I want everyone to like and accept me for who I am. These are almost perfectly opposites. And they pull me into an emotional roller coaster all too often. Just ask my husband. There's a lot of venting that goes on around this house, a lot of talking things to absolute death. The same frustrations are vocalized so many times that he's able to tell my story before I even start. And it's so unsatisfying and frustrating when you are trying to get something off your chest (again) and the person you're unloading to is telling you how to calm your ass down before you even start.
For Christmas this year, I asked for a simple planner. All I wanted was a cheap bound book from Target that would fit into my bag and I would be able to jot down things so I know where to be and when and so that I don't overbook myself. Instead, my brother got me a fancy-schmancy thick, heavy book that had dates on every page, places to write goals, progress, plans to achieve those goals, ways you'll reward yourself when you achieve your goals, inspirational sayings, stickers, etc... I was so disappointed, but he was so proud of this thing. I was so disappointed that I sulked for a couple days. Not major sulking, it's a planner for cripes sake, but every time I saw the thing, out would come a sigh and a wish ran through my head that all I wanted was a $10 guy from Target.
But he was so proud of this thing. He clearly looked through at least a handful of planners and carefully and thoughtfully selected this thing for me. It's a blush pink shiny book and has a rainbow of inspriational words pressed into the cover. And so, I eventually came to the conclusion that the planner wasn't the issue, it was a fine planner. The issue was me.
I have a short fuse and almost always prepare for the worst so that when it turns out better than I prepared for, the situation was a win. But this is so incredibly toxic. Living in the land of the negative. Always thinking about the negative starts to make your world and everyone in it negative too.
So, this blush, shiny book was going to be my new friend. And I was going to turn this year around to be something happier and new! I'm trying to think before I blow in the morning. After my husband leaves, it's just me, a threenager, independent one year old and the whiniest dog on the face of the earth. And the potty training, taking off clothes as quickly as they're put on and the incessant in-out-in-out-whine-whine-whine-in-out-in-whine......that continues for at least 5 more years.... it all builds up and makes me yell at least once or twice after daddy leaves.
And so, I need goals. Checkpoints. and my fancy-schmancy new planner lays it all out for me. It has places for all the things I'm trying to do. It's a visual I look at daily so I'm reminded to stay on track and keep myself on track.
That planner is exactly how I want my year to be. I want this year to be true happiness. And with two beautiful and funny kids and one very patient and loving husband, cheers to the best year yet.
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